The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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