Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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