i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
