I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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