Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
