sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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