Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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