So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
