He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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