Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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