I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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