Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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