you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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