If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
