I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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