it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
