Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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