What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
