I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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