I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
