The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
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Holy sore nipples Batman
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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