I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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