its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
