Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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