You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
