i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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