It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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