You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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