had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
