I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
