just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
