You're completely useless in the revolution.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize