dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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