he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
