in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
