Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
