Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
