Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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