lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
