how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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