I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize