So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
