just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
