So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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