You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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