My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
