he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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