Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
