I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
