I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
