this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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