i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
