This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
