Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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