Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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