he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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