bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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