Why does Corona taste like a burp?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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