i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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