Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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