Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
