that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
