Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
