Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wear drunk well.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
